• Teen Fiasco

    He reminded you of Shia LaBeouf before he became an asshole–before the Walgreens incident and all those confrontations with the paparazzi–when he was still the sweet kid starring on Even Stevens. As a young girl, all you ever daydreamed about was this boy who looked like the kid with curly hair from that Disney show that made you laugh so much. And now he's talking to you. He asks what you want to do, and you don’t reply. You still can’t believe what's happening, or about to happen. You notice your best friend run by–her beautiful, mermaid blonde hair all over her face and she’s laughing, looking back at the boy she’s been dying to make out with. It’s going to happen because anything Olivia wants, Olivia gets, and you love her for that. In the background, someone’s begun to play 90's rap music and that’s the moment you let the pot take over. You tilt your head back and close your eyes, and that’s when he kisses you on the lips and you just open your mouth. He tastes like cheap beer and cinnamon gum. You open your eyes and he looks different. You can’t really explain what happened but somewhere between “Lyrical Gangbang” and “High Powered,” your enthusiasm for this Shia LaBeaouf lookalike became lukewarm. That’s what happens when you set your expectations too high, but you didn’t know that. You’re only thirteen, and this is the first time you’ve ever kissed a boy. It wasn’t magical like your group of friends said it would be. But somehow he’s still kissing you and now his fingers are beginning to dig under your orange summer skirt. You realize you’re not drunk enough or high enough for this level of fooling around so you push him away and tell him you need some air, something you learned to say from all those romantic comedies your older sister watches. Outside, you lay on the soft green grass and you call your best friend’s ex-boyfriend and he tells you about the new shoes he just bought, and you listen. You listen because you care, and in that moment nothing else matters.